Maintaining New Habits and Building Willpower — It Is Not Just for Dieting
Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman | November 29, 2012
In this article, my focus is not on making new habits, but rather on how to MAINTAIN them. I recently lost 25 pounds. I used many of the techniques (e.g., being mindful of what I ate, writing it down, and being very public about my goal) to change some of my bad habits. However, maintaining weight loss is even trickier than losing it. Unfortunately, according to most statistics, the long-term success rates of most weight-loss programs are not high. However, there are things you can do that can help you to maintain good habits and avoid potential obstacles.
In this article, I will focus on some of the ideas that have helped me to maintain my habits and reach my goals. Many of the ideas described in this article come from The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think like a Thin Person by Judith Beck. So, if you want to lose some weight, increase your patience as a parent, or be more efficient in the morning (I think I covered almost everyone with my examples), read below.
Make an Advantage Card: An advantage card lists the advantages of your goal(s) or new habit(s). An advantage card for losing weight may include: will feel healthier, fit in my clothes better, not have pain in my feet, etc. An advantage card for being patient with your child during homework time may include: will feel better afterwards, my child will listen to me more, my son/daughter won’t be putting me in a nursing home, etc. Whatever habit you are trying to work on, make an advantage card and read it every day before you start your day. By reading the advantage card every day, you are setting yourself up for the day you want, rather than experiencing the day you fall into.
No Pain, No Gain: Jane Fonda in the 80’s was quoted as saying, “No pain, no gain.” Although no one expects you to suffer tremendous pain, a little bit of discomfort may be required. In the book, The Beck Diet Solution, one of the exercises Dr. Beck recommends is a mini fast (skipping lunch). The individual needs to fast from breakfast to dinner and write down how uncomfortable he/she feels each hour. What people discover is that, although they thought they would be miserable, they often only feel slightly uncomfortable. More importantly, they learn that despite their discomfort, they can tolerate it. Furthermore, they learn that just because they feel uncomfortable, they don’t need to do anything about it. Many people report to Dr. Beck that this exercise was the most helpful exercise because they learn that they can feel hungry and won’t fall apart.
Stand Firm, No Wavering: This notion of “standing firm” has been for me, one of the most important ones. The idea is that whatever habit you decide to change, once you commit, you need to tell yourself that you are absolutely not going to give in and that there is no choice. It is the wavering that causes all the trouble. Once you start having a dialogue, “Should I eat the cookie, it is only one, I was so good today,” or “I know I am late, but it is only a few minutes, I’m sure it will be fine,” you have lost the battle! Don’t get into the dialogue, instead stand firm. I often think about this in terms of me being kosher. I don’t eat lobster. I am not tempted by lobster. It is a no-brainer and takes no willpower. It is because there is no choice and I never waver from that decision that it is easy for me. As Judith Beck says, “NO CHOICE, I can stand it.”
Remind Yourself of the Whole Story, Not Just the Beginning: Oftentimes, when we engage in a negative habit, we focus on how we immediately feel. Whether it is overeating, yelling at someone who has irritated us, or hitting the snooze button one more time, we tend to focus on the immediate gratification. However, what we fail to remember is the middle and the end to the story. I often say to my patients, “Don’t just think about the cover and the first page, think about pages 2 through 700.” We easily forget how we feel after we have overeaten, yelled at our son or daughter, or when we are late for work. However, the initial gratification only lasts a few seconds, whereas the rest of the story lasts much longer and often has more powerful consequences. It is important to ask yourself, after you have imagined the whole story, what feels better, the immediate gratification or the rest that follows?
Meditate: I mentioned this in the previous article, but it bears repeating — meditate. This is coming from someone with a Type A personality. Recent research has found that meditation provides us a way to have some control over our nervous system. Practicing mindfulness meditation for even a few minutes each day can help you better regulate your emotions and make better decisions. Paying attention to what’s happening in the moment, what’s going on in your body, your mind, and all around you, can make it easier to pay attention to choices you make throughout the day.
Planning and More Planning: As I mentioned before, there are not that many people who lose weight and maintain their weight loss. Since they are a unique group, the National Weight Control Registry was established to investigate the characteristics of those people who succeed at long-term weight loss. What they discovered was that the people who maintained their weight loss continued to plan and be thoughtful about their food choices for the rest of their lives. They didn’t go on a diet and then go off the diet. This is true for all negative habits. You need to be aware of what your obstacles are and plan for them. For example, Judith Beck and many nutritionists recommend not standing while eating. By making this proactive choice, you are taking a preventive measure that has been found to be incredibly helpful. Plan for your obstacles, rather than let them naturally unfold.
One Swan Doesn’t Make a Summer: We all face obstacles and we all have setbacks, but it is important not to let one setback push you away from your new and improved habits. Just because you yelled today doesn’t mean you will yell tomorrow. Just because you ate one donut doesn’t mean you need to eat the whole box. Don’t let a small mistake lead to an even bigger one.
Don’t Make It About “No” — Make It About “Yes”: Many people try to change a habit by resisting urges, using willpower and saying, “no”, However, the human mind doesn’t like being told “no”. Try this experiment with me. Don’t think about pink elephants, don’t think about pink elephants dancing, and don’t think about pink elephants ice skating or even hiking Bear Mountain. What happened to you when I said, “Don’t think about pink elephants.” I am sure that like most people, all you could think of were pink elephants. The same is true when we say “no” or “don’t” to our bad habits. All we can do is think about them. So how can you get around this? Make it about “yes”. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m not going to eat that cake” remind yourself “I am doing this for my health and it’s worth it.” “Instead of saying, “I don’t want to wake up.” Remind yourself, “I really like getting to work a few minutes earlier so I’m not so rushed.” Highlight the positive aspects of your habits rather than focusing on the deprivation. This positive outlook will lead to less resistance and ultimately to more success.
Get Social Support and Make It Public: As I mentioned in the previous article, let others know that you are working on a goal and try to work on the goal together. By letting people know what you are doing, you pre-commit and have a better chance of both changing and maintaining your ways. When I attended Judith Beck’s lecture, she mentioned that conducting workshops on weight loss has kept her committed to keeping a healthy weight. With that sentiment in mind–I would like to thank all of you in advance for helping me stay committed.
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If you liked this article, I highly recommend reading Judith Beck’s book, The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman works part-time in the Harrison schools and maintains a private practice in Scarsdale. She can be reached at (914) 646-9030. Other articles are available at drbaruchfeldman.com.